Things we were told “it’s normal” but is actually not.

If you feel triggered after this, then you’re part of the problem.

We were told that certain ideas “make sense,” that they are natural, moral, or necessary. But many of these beliefs are not truths—they are tools to control, silence, or limit people, especially women and marginalized voices. They are repeated until they feel inevitable, even when they cause harm.

Here are some of the most damaging ideas we were taught, and why they don’t make sense.

1. Women who express their sexual needs are “whores.”
   This belief pretends to protect morality, but it really enforces control. Women are shamed for expressing desire or asking for what they want, while men’s sexual expression is normalized or even praised. Honesty about needs becomes dangerous, and desire is treated as morally corrupt rather than natural. The result is a society where intimacy is fractured, communication is stifled, and guilt is internalized. Suppressing desire is presented as survival, but it erodes trust in one’s own body and instincts.

2. Our elders are always right.
   Respecting those who came before is valuable, but equating age with infallibility is harmful. Elders are human—they make mistakes, hold biases, and sometimes perpetuate harm. When questioning authority is framed as disrespect rather than reflection, outdated ideas and abuses are protected. Blind obedience slows progress and allows injustice to continue under the guise of tradition. True respect comes from listening critically, not assuming that age alone grants correctness.

3. Women must be submissive.
   Submission is often framed as virtue, grace, or quiet strength, but in reality it is enforced obedience. Women are praised for shrinking, enduring, and bending without breaking—rarely for speaking up or asserting boundaries. Assertiveness is labeled aggression, independence is a threat, and compliance is rewarded while self-expression is punished. Meanwhile, society depends on women’s labor, emotional intelligence, and resilience, creating a system where enforced submission is both demanded and exploited.

4. Success is the reward for suffering.
   We are told that enduring hardship, sacrificing endlessly, and bearing pain without complaint will eventually lead to reward. This belief glorifies suffering and shames rest, implying that struggle is the only path to worth. In reality, suffering is not a virtue, and endurance does not guarantee reward. Many people suffer without recognition, while others achieve success without significant struggle. Presenting hardship as a prerequisite for value keeps people exhausted and prevents them from questioning the systems that exploit them.

5. Mental health struggles are weakness.
   Another harmful idea is that emotional or psychological pain signals personal failure. This stigma discourages people from seeking help, reinforces isolation, and mislabels natural human responses as flaws. Instead of recognizing mental health as a spectrum that everyone navigates, society often shames vulnerability, creating fear around honesty and healing.

---

All of these beliefs share the same pattern: they demand compliance from some while protecting comfort or power for others. They reward obedience, shame self-expression, and label discomfort as a personal flaw rather than a signal that something is wrong. When challenged, these ideas are defended as sacred or “just the way things are,” even when they perpetuate injustice.

So if this triggers you, ask why. Are these ideas sacred, or do they benefit you? True growth comes from discomfort, from questioning what we were taught, and from refusing to accept harmful beliefs simply because they have been repeated for generations. Progress begins with asking better questions—and having the courage to accept the answers.